The arrival of a second child is a big change for the family, something we often forget. It affects not only the parents anymore, but also the firstborn. What the eldest sibling feels after the birth of a sister or brother was presented in the text on only children, so it is now worth looking at what feelings the second offspring may experience.

Of course, a lot depends on the individual characteristics of the child, the attitude of the parents and also the age difference between the two siblings and the gender. The smaller the age difference, the more parents tend to display more typical behaviour towards the next child than towards the youngest.

Thesecond offspring is usually calmer and cries less at night (influenced by the fact that most parents are more controlling towards the second child). With his brother or sister having already "trodden the path", he does not have to prove to his parents that nothing will happen to him if, for example, he starts eating solid foods later than his parents have read in a book or if he does not like the broth with noodles.

The younger child naturally accepts the amount of time adults spend with him, as he does not know how much his parents have played with the only child. While still in the cot, he or she has learned that a sister or brother is the main source of entertainment, so it is the sibling who becomes the main 'victim' of requests to play together. However, if the older one refuses, usually without too many tears, he is able to play by himself politely and in a way that is interesting for him. It is not without reason that parents often say of second children - "this one is just an angel, the first one we had to devote so much time to, play with him all the time and the second one is happy to take care of himself; sometimes it is as if he is not there at all".

It is more difficult for the second child - especially in the first years of life - to show something, because the older one has already shown these achievements (sometimes even earlier). The younger one usually seems to remain in the shadow of the older brother or sister (this is usually more difficult when both are of the same sex). After all, he or she inherits the older brother or sister's clothes and toys; moreover, he or she often has the feeling that not many meaningful and interesting things are happening in his or her life, while the first-born child is just starting kindergarten, then first grade, then communion etc. The younger brother or sister may feel that he or she is not being left in the shadow of the older brother or sister.

And then there are those skirmishes with his siblings..., in which he almost always loses (because if he even wins, he fights not entirely fairly, helping himself to e.g. complaints from his parents). In order to be recognised as an excellent pupil by mum and dad, the younger one would have to study even better than his siblings, as a result of which he usually does not surpass them (unless the older one has learning difficulties), but "excels" most often in another discipline (e.g. sports).

Younger children usually do not appreciate this, but thanks to older siblings and skirmishes with them, they can usually defend themselves very well against their peers (with words, but also - if necessary - with actions). They also get along more easily in a group, not trying to subjugate others but willingly interacting according to set rules.

Parents often say that: "when our first child, taking his first steps, slid the tablecloth off the table and with it the plates and cups, we were furious; when the second child did the same thing, we were angry, but we thought that after all he had not done it on purpose, while when the third child did it (even though there was the best service on the table) we laughed out loud". I think this statement perfectly represents the parents' approach to their next child.

The youngest children - especially when there is a big age difference between the youngest and the rest of the siblings - are often spoilt too much (and not only by their parents and grandparents, who are often older, but also by their siblings - especially when there is more than one). As a result, they often acquire this conviction that their desires must be fulfilled, which they demand from others.

The youngest child tends to be a kind of 'family mascot'. By cuddling up to dad, he can "get" permission to attend a sleepover party or simply defuse problems in the family with his charm and cheerfulness. This is a very graceful role, but when it dominates much of a person's personality, we forget that they also have other (often suppressed) needs. This 'mascot' often needs someone to take care of him or her herself, which is why it is usually the person who most wants to own a pet of some kind.

The middle child in the birth order - especially when briefly the youngest - usually faces more difficulties in life than the other siblings. Because of their position, they are most likely to go unnoticed. An example that confirms this can be seen in the number of photos in this child's family albums compared to the oldest and youngest. A positive feature of the development of middle children is usually the lack of pressure from their parents, so that they do not have to make excessive demands on themselves. Having had the experience of dealing with two different sibling personalities, they usually feel comfortable in a group. They also acquire the art of negotiation through these experiences, which they usually use later in life. If middle children are of a different gender to their siblings, they may even gain more attention than other children, receive support from older siblings and be admired by younger ones. Usually, however, the middle child requires special care from the parents and their concern to drown out sibling rivalry.

Of course, in any family, various unusual situations may arise that disrupt, the development of the children according to their birth order, e.g. the eldest child will be less capable than the younger siblings or one of the children will fall ill, which may change their roles completely.

L I T E R A T U R E:

1. Richardson R.W., Richardson L. A.: Oldest, middle, youngest, Gdańskie Wydawnictwo Psychologiczne, Gdańsk 1999

2. Zubrzycka Elżbieta: Narzeczeństwo. Marriage. Family. Divorce. Gdańskie Wydawnictwo Psychologiczne. Gdańsk1993