The news of a divorce first causes shock and disbelief. Then there is pain, a sense of hurt and injustice, loss of hope and also fear. Fear of a new and yet unknown phase of life.

All family members suffer, but the children experience the greatest drama. Statistics show that half of divorcing couples have children of pre-school and school age. Adults often think that divorce is exclusively their problem. Nothing could be further from the truth. Long before a divorce, children already pick up on signs of change. Constant arguing, shouting, "quiet days" make them feel helpless, alone and lost. They have a growing sense of fear that one day one of their parents might disappear. They wonder what their future life will be like, which parent they will live with.

Children of divorcing parents also wonder if their parents still love them. Very often, he or she blames himself or herself that it is because of him or her that a crisis has occurred in the family. Children under 5 years of age become more tearful and anxious. They have trouble eating, have sleep disturbances and are irritable. At this age, children do not have developed skills to deal with crisis situations. It is important to talk to your child, show them lots of warmth and reassure them of your love.

photo: pantherstock

Children in the early school years are already more independent and able to see cause and effect relationships. The new situation causes them to have poorer academic performance, behavioural problems, low self-esteem and social withdrawal. They often blame themselves for their parents' divorce. They try to cope with this difficult situation by escaping into a fantasy world that is not connected to reality.