We encounter lying in children in a variety of situations. Many parents do not realise that their behaviour influences whether a child lies. Of course, 90% of parents will deny this and say that they are bringing up their children with truth, honesty and love and that their children have learned to lie in kindergarten or at school. This thinking is very wrong!
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A lie is defined as a statement that contains information that is inconsistent with an authentic fact (the information is what the liar wants to be taken as true).
Parental influence on children 's lying
Parents have a huge influence on children lying, although of course they 'don't allow themselves' to think so. Children watch and listen carefully to us from the beginning of their lives. They accompany us in various situations and if we lie to someone on the phone, for example, saying that we are not at home and we don't have time, but we are at home or saying that someone is at home and we are alone at home, there is no doubt that they will start to behave in a similar way. By lying, an adult unknowingly 'implicates and engages' his or her child, who, over time, begins to use similar lies. Importantly, the child observes and instils in themselves that it is not always necessary to tell the truth and be honest with others when parents are not.
What is lying? Causes and motivation
Children lie for a variety of reasons, the most common of which are: lowered self-esteem, to raise their self-esteem in the eyes of others, to achieve a social, material or psychological benefit. In many cases children also lie to get something from their parents or other relatives. There are situations in which they lie to get their parents to spend more time with them. The interest of the child who lies is his or her greatest aim.
What is lying in a child?, photo: panthermedia
The first type of lying that appears in children is the so-called apparent lying (called unconscious lying ) and it concerns very young children who cannot distinguish between the real and the fictitious world. As the child gets older and develops, a second type of lie emerges, the purpose of which is to mislead another person (known as deliberate/actual deception). The child starts his lies with trivialities of so-called insinuations and when he sees that they have an effect he begins to "spread" his lies. These relate not only to school, learning, classmates, but also to what and where he or she did or with whom he or she spent time.
An inadequate parental approach from the very beginning (i.e. from the moment the child comes into the world), can consequently lead to many lies on the part of the child and numerous misunderstandings.
So before we start judging our own children, let's look at what kind of person we are and whether it is our fault. If you cannot cope with your child's lies, you should see a specialist.
