The father usually, through his work and acquiring material resources for the family, is the most estranged person in the family. Spending a great deal of time away from home, he does not witness all sorts of good and bad situations that bring emotions. At first, his wife usually tries to tell him everything, but after a while she usually doesn't have the strength to talk ("after all, so much happens every day"), nor does he have the strength to listen. The things that happen become trifles, "which we do not talk about". There is less and less time for joint conversations between spouses, for laughter, for coffee together. The father's contact usually decreases not only with his wife and sick child, but also with his healthy siblings.

When an older child is ill, it is not uncommon for roles to be swapped between siblings. Instead of the older child, the younger child becomes independent and focused on his or her own youthful affairs, while the older child seeks cuddles, strokes and being taken on his or her knees.

Often everyone in the family feels lonely. The healthy brother or sister because they feel pushed away, the father usually for a similar reason. The mother, who longs for contact with others besides her sick child, also often feels lonely. Paradoxically, a healthy child can also feel lonely. Sometimes he feels that his mother is not with him long enough, although she usually devotes almost all her time to him. Older children also miss their peers and other family members.

The results of a study by Houtzager et al (2005) indicate that siblings of children with cancer aged 7-11 years showed a lower quality of life compared to the control group in terms of motor skills (walking, running, energy), cognitive skills (concentration, memory and learning problems), positive emotions (lack of joy, fun, satisfaction, relaxation, enthusiasm, smiling) and negative emotions (jealousy, anger, aggression, sadness, fear, depression). Siblings aged 12-18 years showed mainly cognitive problems, positive and negative emotions. Girls showed more social problems than boys.

However, this does not mean that it is impossible to live like this and family members must be unhappy! When faced with a severe chronic illness of a child, one should:

• remember to take care of yourself - at least once a week take some pleasure in yourself (e.g. meeting up with friends, going out on a bike)

• remember about married life - finding time for small things which bind the spouses together

• remember the siblings of a sick child - they need attention too and they are still children

B I B L I O G R A P H I C A L I T Y:

1.Houtzager B.A., Grootenhuis M. A., Hoeksa-Weebers J.E.H.M., Last B.F.: One month after diagnosis: quality of life, coping and previous functioning in siblings of children with cancer, Academic Medical Center, University of Amsterdam, Pediatric Psychological Department, 2005, pp.75-87

2.Hersh S.P., Weiner L.S.: Psychological support for the family of child with cancer. Cancer 1989, p.42

3.Rogiewicz M.: Psycho-oncological problems of children and adolescents [in]: K. De Walden Gałuszko (ed), Psychoonkologia. Kraków. Editorial and Publishing Committee of the Polish Psychological Association, 2000

4.Zubrzycka E. : Narzeczeństwo, małżeństwo, rodzina, rozwód?, Gdańsk 1993, Gdańskie Wydawnictwo Psychologiczne